Aviva: "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

Stefan: "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

Aviva: "Don't frown- you never know who might be falling in love with your smile."

Stefan: "what Stefan thinks about.... 'randomrobot...government...randomrobot...spoon...random robot...stefan sure is cool...random robot...gurf...random robot...where'd i leave my keys...random robot...must....see...randomrobot...they...are...good...'"

Alice: "la la la la....singing in the shower...be right back"

Aviva: "If you are writing a history outline and its worth 20% of your year grade, and its due on monday and you just started today, and your not taking notes but rather copying random sentanced directly out of random books, and you have 2.5 paged so far, and you haven't saved it for a while, the dont be a dumb ass and hit the off switch of your computer with your foot
When you turn your computer back on your work just might have disapeared....
Trust Me"

Elsbeth: If Yoda so powerful in the force is, why can he words in the right order not put?
If a mute swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "Practice"?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Why do they put Braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?
How do they get deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Katie R.: "Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them"

Katie R.: "Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off"

Stanzie: "Barbie sucks...Ken's happy"

Elsbeth: "I'm thinking of something.
George Bush has a short one.
Mikhail Gorbachev has a long one.
Madonna has one but no one knows it.
And the Pope has one but never uses it...
A last name. (what were you thinking it was?...)"

My cousin: "If you think life is bad, how would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You get eaten once. It takes 4 minutes to get hard. Only 2 minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys. But worst of all, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother!! So cheer up. Your life ain't that bad! Pass it around to someone who you feel can use a good lay."

Alice G.: "STOP READING MY AWAY MESAGES (mr david) short people got no reason to live they got little hands little eyes they walk around telling great big lies they got little noses tiny little teeth yea well thats more shoe on their nasty little feet don't want no short people... short people got nobody to love they've got little baby legs stand so low you gotta pick them up to say hello they got little cars that go beep beep beep they got little voices that go peep peep peep they got grubblylittle fingers and dirty little minds they're gonna get you everytime don't want no short people... go dl randy newman - short people"

Trevor-
"1. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have too?
2. What color does a smurf turn if you choke it?
3. Why do they report power outages on TV?
4. Why do we drink cow milk? Who was the fuckin guy who first looked at a cow and said,"I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze them!"
5. Why does a shipment go by truck, and cargo go by boat?
6. If it's 0 degrees outside now, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
7. Why are stands made for sitting?
8. Why is it that Donald Duck never wears pants, but when he gets out of the shower, he has a towel around his waist?
9. Why do we park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway?"

Aviva: "Procrastination is like mastrabation- it feels good at the time, but in the end you're really only fucking yourself"

Elsbeth: "There are three categories of people in this world, ones who understand math and ones who don't."

Alice G.: "A couple has 3 kids.One day the 1rst kid goes up to her dad and says "Daddy, why am I named rose petal?"The father replys "Because, when you were born a rose petal dropped on your head and we though it was so beautiful we decied to name you Rose petal"so after that..the 2nd kid goes up to the father and asks"Daddy why am I named Daisy?"father says,"because, when you we're born a daisy dropped on your head, and we thought it was so beautiful we just had to name you Daisy."So then, the 3rd kid goes up to the father and says"dehsfdgsfdghguhsdfdvg"and the father says"Shut up Cinderblock""

Alice G.: "whoooo.....R...........U......???!?!? asked the anger caterpiller smoking the hookah on a giant mushroom"

Licong: "* Save trees; eat beavers!
* Teach a man to start a fire, and he'll be warm for the night. Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

Andrew S.: "'The Starship Enterprise is not really fueled by dilithium crystals! Rather, it uses a mixture of diborane B(2)H(6) and oxygen. The two react according to the equation...' -My chem book
I love when textbooks use exclamation points! You can just see the authors of the books with their thick glasses giggling to themselves in intellectual glee. Speaking of textbooks, I'm off being productive, leave a message"

Muhammed: isaac newton just told me to bend over